Going through the emotions tonight.

This post is a little different than usual. I need to get this off my chest, out of my head. I woke up this morning and felt ok, thought I was good as the thought of him never entered my mind. Then as the day went on, slowly the memory of him crept into my head. I was sad, hurt, and so down. I miss him. I hate that I miss him, I hate that I think of him, I hate that I still want him. I love him, I’m in love with him. It’s been a few months and my heart is still hurting, my head is still confused. Confused with the thoughts, consumed with the memories of me and him when we were happy, and wondering why things ended the way they did. It was so sudden. I feel so hurt when all these things flood into my mind, it just reminds me of the worst day ever. The day he chose to end things. He was faced with a decision and punished me for the results of his own actions. He pushed me away, left me when I needed him the most. I gave him everything I had, all of me completely. I loved him with all my heart and still do. With tears running down my cheeks I managed to write something personal, something about us.

Bittersweet

Last night I had a dream

I dreamt we were there

Back at that place where it all began

The place that we were the happiest

The place where we felt so alive

It was the best feeling being there with you again

It was however bittersweet

To awaken and find out it was merely just a dream.

It still hurts so bad and I don’t think this pain will go away for a while. I will always love him because I feel he was my one true love, my person, the one who made me so happy. He never treated me bad, and was great. We simply ended because he didn’t like the consequences that came from his actions. Then insert the punishment for me. I hope one day we can come together again and be what we were, be what I know we can be. Until then I’ll pretend, pretend to be ok, pretend hearing his name doesn’t rip my heart into even smaller shreds, smaller than they already are. Maybe one day I’ll get brave and tell the full story of mine and his relationship.

This post is me, it’s real, raw, and honest. I just needed to get this out. Needed to cry and let it all out.