What A Waste

It’s such a gut punch when you realize someone you’ve been hoping would change for the better is still stuck in the same old patterns. I’ve been dealing with this for 7 1/2 years now with the father of my youngest child. No, there’s no tragic love story here. I don’t want him to change for me, but damn, I’ve always held out hope that he’d get his act together for our daughter. She’s turning six this year, and it’s heartbreaking to watch her go from being a total daddy’s girl to having reservations about him. It’s not like I’m asking for him to become a saint overnight, but come on, basic decency shouldn’t be a high bar.

The dude’s behavior is like watching a bad rerun of a show that should have been canceled after the first season. The way he acts, the way he talks to people—it’s like he’s stuck in this perpetual loop of douchebaggery. It’s frustrating because I see it affecting our daughter. She’s picking up on his vibe and becoming standoffish, which is a big shift from those early years when she thought the sun shone out of his ass.

It’s just sad, you know? To sit back and watch someone squander the chance to be a decent human being, especially when it’s for their own kid. And the worst part? He probably doesn’t even realize it. Or worse, he doesn’t care. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion, and you can’t look away because you’re in the damn train.

It’s not about me wanting him to change for some grand reunion or anything. I’ve got zero romantic feelings for the guy. This is purely about wanting him to be a better person for our daughter. But it seems like he’s content being the same old disappointment, and that sucks. It’s like hoping for a unicorn and getting a donkey instead.

So yeah, it blows. Watching someone you had a sliver of hope for continue to let you down is exhausting. It’s like getting socks for Christmas every year when you were hoping for something, anything, better. You start to wonder if the problem is with your expectations or if the world is just full of socks.

But you know what? I’m not giving up on my daughter. If she ends up being standoffish, it’s because she’s smart and picking up on things. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll learn from this. She’ll see what not to do, how not to treat people, and she’ll grow up to be a better person for it. That’s the hope I’m holding onto now, because frankly, that’s all I’ve got left.